And we're back with The Biggest Loser.
We start with the contestants bemoaning having to choose between Jerry and Daniel, with Jerry going home. And that choice becomes more pronounced once we check in with the at-home contestants, since Daniel's partner David is chowing down every chance he gets. Everyone else seems to be doing pretty well.
Temptation! Each person gets five minutes alone in a room with a whole lot of food. The at-home folks have already had their chance with the food. The team who consumes the most calories wins a day with their trainer and their partner at home. Everyone is excited about the idea of getting the heck off the ranch, particularly Mandi who misses her kids. One by one the contestants face temptation. Filipe holds strong. Sione, not so much as he eats about 900 calories so he can get Filipe home. Mandi downs a piece of pizza for a measly 300 or so calories. Joelle, surprisingly, doesn't eat anything. Her partner, Carla, on the other hand, eats nearly everything. She consumes more than 2,000 calories to win a day at home with Bob and Joelle. Bob is off to Detroit!
The other contestants are all pissy, saying that of everyone Mandi deserved to win. Um, why exactly? She misses her kids, BFD. Isn't one of the black team guy's wife due to pop out a baby any day now? Mandi could've eaten if she really wanted to go home. Their whining is about to push me towards supporting Joelle.
Bob is in the motor city. He and Joelle reveal the f-bomb episode, and Carla tells Joelle that she does have a tendency to push people's buttons. Joelle might be headed for a personal revelation but has she lost all chance to redeem herself with the whiners back at the ranch?
Ah, today's product placement. What do you do when you want to snack? Why, you eat Yoplait! Bob is such a yogurt whore.
Back at the ranch, Jillian administers beatings. Mandi is all verklempt. She has no idea why. I'm thinking she's had too much whine, and Dr. Phillian agrees with me, taking Mandi outside for some one-on-one. Basically, Jillian tells her to suck it up because of course this is hard.
We zoom back to Detroit. Carla is pissed that Joelle wasn't working all that hard at the ranch. She threatens Joelle with bodily harm. The lightbulb over Joelle's head may be flickering. Oops, it goes out as Joelle goes off. Whoa, they may come to blows. Other people are poking their heads into the gym. Watch out Bob, Carla's three times your size. He breaks out an f-bomb on Carla as he wishes Dr. Phillian were there instead of him. Heh, Jillian would've knocked one of them on their ass by now. I'd pay to see those three women face off.
Bob phones home. Are they icing their shins? Weird. Bob's new motto is "no excuses." Back with the silver chicks, Bob dishes up salad while Carla hammers on Joelle some more. Joelle looks she wants to smash her water glass over Carla's head. While Carla (and everyone) has some good points I'm starting to feel for Joelle. Until she uses the word "doocaca."
I tune them out. You know, I really don't care who a politician sleeps with as long as it's consensual and not with a minor. Just saying. My kickball team is decided in last place. The team photo is up and I look like a pasty blob. With a hat.
The contestants go to see Dr. Huizenga. Dane/Blaine (I can't tell them apart) was taking eight meds a day. Diabetic pills are gone. Cholesterol pills are gone. They're all gone. Seriously, within two weeks? I've got to rewind.... Prozac and Wellbutrin? Taking two antidepressants at once aside, he's just off them? I don't think so. Ron had ten pills a day plus insulin. He's down now to one plus a little insulin. A year's worth of his pills was $20,000+. Yikes.
Challenge time! Ooh, it's the jump rope contraption. I love this one. Jump over the beam, last person standing wins immunity. Tara immediately says she'll be the winner, rather unwisely as she later says she sucks at jumping rope. And they're off. Joelle breaks her bar on the first jump. So does Ron. Yes, physics works. Dan is out after two jumps. Helen at three. I'm cracking up. Black, purple, red, green, yellow and blue are still in it. Red goes down. The last person to win this challenge was Matt in season 2. He went 40 minutes and then on to win the whole show. Most are jumping with both feet. Filipe lands on the bar with both feet. It's 95 degrees during the challenge. Mandi says she could go all day, then breaks her bar. After 30 minutes it speeds up. Wow, they're coming up on two hours. Dane goes out. Kristin of the skunky hair and Tara are left at two hours and nearly 1,000 jumps. Tara watches Kristin like a hawk. Kristin goes out at two hours and nineteen minutes. Tara wins immunity then reveals her secret to staying in so long is she was throwing up a little in her mouth and then swallowing it. Uh, eww?
Last chance workout. Bob's back from Detroit, ready to put a whole week worth of workouts into one day. Gang up on Joelle time. Blaine comes to realize Jillian really is a sadist. Jillian has no problem with that. Bob makes Helen bench press him. I'm not sure whether I like Helen or not. Blaine pulls Jillian across the gym at quite a clip and he drags her right out the door and she flies down the steps. Heh. Did Mike get a haircut? I don't like Bastard Bob. I liked Yoga Bob better. Huh, apparently Nike doesn't want its logo shown as Jillian's feet are all fuzzed out.
Time for the weigh in. My dog hates the beeping of the scale and is threatening to jump me.
Green/Tara - 8 lbs. She has immunity so no percentage.
Pink/Helen - 6 lbs and she is happy. 2.53%.
Yellow/Mandi - 8 lbs for 3.27%.
Silver/Joelle - 6 lbs for 2.04%. Everyone makes a face, including Bob.
Blue/Filipe - 14 lbs. He is psyched, to say the least. 4.14% puts him in the lead so far.
Brown/Ron - 9 lbs. Mike - 11 lbs. Total percentage of weight lost is 2.68%.
I pause to beat on my dog. The beeping has really stressed her. I think she needs another furminating.
Black/Blaine - 12 lbs. Dane - 18 lbs. 4.21% edges out Filipe for the lead.
Red/Damien - 4 lbs. 1.13%.
Orange/Dan - He loses 15 lbs. 3.56% and he is safe from elimination.
Purple/Kristin - She needs more than 6 lbs to stay safe. I mute the beeping. And she did it with 7 lbs.
Damien and Joelle are below the yellow line and up for elimination. I'm guessing Joelle is going home to get her ass kicked by Carla. Joelle guesses so too. Bob agrees with both of us. Tara flat out asks Joelle if she wants to be here. Joelle hesitates and that is not lost on anyone else. Kristin says she'll be shocked if the vote goes against Damien. Spoiler? Let's see. They zoom through the vote, with three for Joelle until Black unexpectedly votes for Damien. Even Joelle looks perplexed. Tara votes for Damien. The look on Joelle's face. Mandi votes for Damien. Are they going to force a tie? It comes down to Dan, who votes for..... Damien. Huh. Joelle can't believe it and she starts to cry. Is this the beginning of the redemption of Joelle? Damien does, in his words, the walk of shame as his fridge goes dark.
Damien lost 30 lbs while at the ranch. Now, wow, they both look great as they go to do their engagement photos. Nicole has lost 76 lbs total. Damien, 74. They plan to be "super sexy" the next time we see them.
Since I am already super sexy, I'll sign off as --
Welcome to a new world, America.