Of The Biggest Loser, that is. Here's to hoping that this season there is no one as obnoxiously evil as Vicky. Or as obnoxiously obnoxious as Heba.
I'm coming in to Season 7 having just finished watching 24: Resurrection. So I may be in the mood to kill the contestants rather than just vote them off. In other news, Tony Almeida's not dead? Huh.
Okay, it's starting. Bob and Jillian are yelling at me not to sit there and watch ice cream while watching The Biggest Loser. Okey doke. Guess this is a good time to mention that in honor of the show tonight I had pizza and wings for dinner.
Eleven couples. Whoa, this guy is huge. Even for this show. And he looks bigger than the heaviest contestant (454 lbs) ever. I'm thinking it's the overalls.
Schmaltzy intro credits, check. Let's move on, shall we?
They're all coming to the ranch on a bus. It must have great shocks. Oldest couple looks like they may drop dead. Bob is in the running for bitch of the year. I liked his nice guy personality better. Maybe all the ink has gone to his brain. Hey, one gal looks like Oprah.
Silver team: Best friends Carla (36) and Joelle (41) are from Michigan. Sassy black women -- team "Get Gorgeous G Squared."
Blue team: Sione (29) and Filipe (27) are cousins, their parents are from Tonga where it's normal to be big. They live in Mesa, Arizona.
Orange team: North Carolina boys Daniel (19) and David (23) are also best friends. Daniel is the one who is the heaviest.
Yep, that bus is riding low.
White team: Estella (63) and Jerry (63) are grandparents and the oldest contestants ever. From Illinois.
Black team: Dane (28) and Blaine (28) are also cousins. One of them drinks milk out of a mason jar. Also from Mesa. And they're tall! Dane is 6'4", Blaine is 6'8".
Pink team: Shanon (29) and Helen (48) are daughter and mother. Nice sausage, honey. From Michigan.
Green team: Tara (23 - New York) and Laura (24 - Miami) are friends and former models. Heh, so Tara and Laura are only "friends", while the others are "best friends". Mrow!
Brown team: Ron (54) and Mike (18) are dad and son. More Michigan folks.
Purple team: Kristin (28) and Cathy (48) are daughter and mother. They're from Wisconsin.
Red team: From Brooklyn, NY, Nicole and Damien are engaged. They want to lose weight for their wedding.
Yellow team: Aubrey (28) and Mandi (30) are sisters. Hey, Aubrey is from Gooding, Idaho! Gooding is about ten minutes from where my grandparents and dad live. Mandi is from Boise.
First workout! Without their trainers. They have no clue. And the trainers are watching on CCTV. I would get on that treadmill and, well, walk. But fast.
Oh! Jerry's going down! Is he having a stroke? There he goes in an ambulance. Estella stays behind. The trainers are making him into an example.
Time to pick teams. Load 'em up with the big guys!
Jillian: White, Black, Green, Orange, and Yellow.
Bob: Silver, Blue, Red, Pink, Brown, and Purple.
And now off to the scale of DOOM.
But first, commercials. This doesn't bode well: a commercial for Providence Wellness Watch. All about risk factors for stroke. Does this mean no more Jerry?
White team: Weighing in by herself, Estella starts at 242 lbs.
Pink team: 540 lbs.
Purple team: 653 lbs. Kristin is at 360 lbs, the biggest woman ever by 62 lbs. She notes that's more than the size of a Green Bay Packer lineman.
Yellow team: 512 lbs. The tears start.
Red team: 650 lbs. I think I like the red team. They'll probably be voted off first.
Green team: 579 lbs. More tears!
Blue team: 736 lbs. Whoa.
Black team: The big boys are at 777 lbs. Whoa squared.
Brown team: 818 lbs.
Silver team: Yowza, they are big and sassy. 688 lbs. Oh, now Carla at 379 lbs is officially the heaviest woman ever on The Biggest Loser. Bet Kristin is happy to give up that title. Wonder if there's any pizza left?
Orange team: 847 lbs. Daniel is the heaviest person they've ever had at 454 lbs, and the heaviest team in Biggest Loser history.
While that was probably the fastest weigh in I've ever seen, let's move on to the drama, shall we?
Bob and Jillian administer beatings, beatings, beatings. Jillian does it in a gentler, kinder way.
Laura is losing it. Everyone is very supportive. Yeah, that'll change. Oops, clean up on treadmill 9! Body bugs make an appearance. I'd love to have one of those. How much do they cost? Oh, excuse me, bodybugg. Yikes! $250 to $350, depending on the options you get. Laura recovers well, though, she's emerging as one of my early favorites.
And Jerry is back! Yay! Everyone is very supportive. I give it til episode 3 before someone emerges as snarky, at the very least. Then again, I just checked out all the candidates again and only the Black team looks to be a possibility in that area so far. Maybe this is a gentler, kinder season? Vicky did leave a bad taste behind.
Moving on, it's challenge time. They're on a bridge. I'm acrophobic. Ooh, but there's a tractor. 250,000 lbs of sand too. And flags! Immunity is up for grabs.
It's Blue in the lead, Green and Black close behind. Yellow finishes first. Black second. Blue third. Green is fourth. Red is fifth. Top five teams move on. I sense potential tension in the Green team. Definitely some tension. Go Red! Black and Yellow go to the final heat. Go Yellow! It may be a photo finish... And it is a photo finish! Black wins. Darn.
Scary medical news time. Brown gets picked on first. Whoa. Ron had a gastric bypass and he's still huge. Pink is up next. Helen is a smoker, let's show her some gnarly lungs. Nope, it's biological age instead. She's 60. Well, hey, that's not too bad. Last season the one gal was really in her early 20s and her biological age was something like the 50s. Black in the hot seat now. Amazing how the fat squishes all the organs up. Maybe I should've done without the extra cheese on the pizza.
I've started the blood type diet for the new year. For my type, it emphasizes lean red meat, low carbs (mainly from fruits and veggies), no wheat, little dairy. I've been doing it for maybe four days now and I already feel markedly different. Almost no stomach or sinus problems, my chronic complaints. The pizza tonight was everything I'm supposed to be avoiding. Besides wanting leftovers for my bowling night on Thursday, I wanted to see how my body would do on the "avoid" foods, to give a realistic picture of whether it's really the diet that's making me feel better or if it's just the mindset.
Back to the show. No elimination tonight? Must be a catch. Bob and Jillian are with me on this. Yep, no elimination but nine of the contestants are going home. Huh? Well, that could work. One thing I don't really like about the couples version of the show is that everyone has a built in support/enabler system on campus. I think it works better for single contestants. That's when they make the real progress on the inside.
The scale of doom is on now. How have they done?
Black team: Lost 34 lbs. Since they have immunity, no percentage shown.
Silver team: Down 24 lbs for 3.49%.
Orange team: 46 lbs, including 30 lbs alone for Daniel. Of course, these are the guys who didn't bring their water bottles to work out. 5.43% moves them to the top.
Red team: His boobs are very perky. They lose 35 lbs, for 5.38%. One pound away from taking the lead. Darn.
White team: Don't pass out, Jerry! His starting weight was 369 lbs, which they did at the hospital. They need to have lost more than 33 lbs. Heh, 34 lbs! 25 of those were Jerry's. 5.56% puts them above the yellow line.
Blue team: More than 40 lbs is needed. Aww, 40 lbs exactly. 5.43% ties them with Orange, but they are below the yellow line.
Yellow team: Go Yellow! 25 lbs, which isn't enough to keep them above the line. 4.88% overall.
Purple team: Which we've barely seen so far. They need more than 36 lbs. And I've caught up to my DVR recording so now I have to sit through these commercials. Does Michael Flatley look like jerky to you too? Okay, we're back. 31 lbs. Everyone is happy. 4.75%. White remains on top. Jerry is flabbergasted. Don't pass out, Jerry!
Pink team: Sorry, ladies, but I have a hard time telling which one is the mom. More than 30 lbs is their goal. They didn't make it. 25 lbs, for 4.63%.
Green team: More than 32 lbs for them is needed. And they lost 34! Tara is happy she lost 21 lbs, but I think she's pissed Laura lost only 13. I'm guessing that if they do fall below the line, Laura is the one going home. 5.87% puts them in the top spot.
Brown team: The last to weigh in. More than 48 lbs is their goal. That's so huge, I bet they did it or made it within one. But first, commercials. Annnnnd we're back. Whoa, three sets of man boobs. On one man. Reminds me of when our dog was nursing puppies. Explains the overalls. Beep, beep, beep goes the scale. 54 lbs! I knew it. I've been watching this show too long. 6.60% puts them above the yellow line.
To recap, Black and Brown are both safe. Everybody else has to choose one member to go home. And another twist. After 30 days, if their teammate is still in the game they get to come back. Not a bad twist. For a change. Pizza and wings for everyone!
The couples are choosing. Everyone is I'll go, no I'll go. Silver is showing tension in the ranks. Guessing Jerry is going home. Or maybe he'll stay where he has close medical supervision. So, who did they choose?
Pink picks Shannon to leave. Helen stays.
Blue picks Sione to leave. Filipe stays.
Green has Laura going home. Called it! I think Tara could be a contender.
Aubrey goes for Yellow. Mandi stays. Nice ink.
Red has Nicole leaving and Damien staying. Damien can dead lift a lot of weight.
Orange chooses Daniel to stay and David is leaving.
Silver has Carla going home, which is a surprise. Joelle is staying.
Purple has bad blonde streaks in their hair. Mom Cathy leaves, Kristin the linebacker is staying.
White sends Estella home. Jerry stays with paramedics close by.
Everyone goes back to their lonely little rooms, except for Brown and Black. It's lights out!
Here's to a healthy new year for you all.