Monday, May 26, 2008

It's time I had some time alone

Not really, but that song's on the player right now so I thought I'd go with it.

After several weeks of having to wear a wrist brace every evening or suffer the consequences the next day, I finally moved my computer back up to the den where it is supposed to live. I love having the convenience of using my laptop anywhere in the house (usually the couch, but that makes me sound like a slug) thanks to the wireless connection (which finally works regularly since I switched antivirus software), but using the touchpad mouse was really doing a number on my right thumb and wrist. Plus having a real keyboard to type on is simply bliss.

Not much new in CilleyLand, mostly same old same old. Rain rain go away so I can finish some yard work.

What I've Been Reading:

I've been into the cozies lately. For those of you who aren't mystery fans, a "cozy" mystery is one where it's more about the characters, the plot's kind of there but not incredibly essential, and nobody dies, at least not violently or if they did die violently (or were murdered) it wasn't recently. I started out reading the latest in Nancy Atherton's Aunt Dimity series, Aunt Dimity: Vampire Hunter. When the one character finally got together with the other character, I went back trying to find where the girl had declared she loved/was going to marry the guy (the girl was like 14 at the time, the guy was in his 30s -- sort of the typical girlhood crush intention type of thing, except you gotta know this girl). I ended up starting the series over again. And weird thing, just like in the first book (where the main character, Lori, in re-reading actual stories from her childhood about Aunt Dimity realizes that her memories of them now have become colored by her less than stellar luck in life -- in other words, she asks herself "when did I become so bitter?"), I realized that I am not remembering the books themselves as they truly were. While I imagine I will still be annoyed by Lori's tendency for several books to develop a serious crush on whatever man comes along (you have to read them to understand the annoyance -- well, maybe not, she's happily marred with twin boys) I am having a great time rediscovering old friends. I met Nancy Atherton when she came to Portland years ago for a book signing. She swears I look just like a friend of hers in the midwest (Wisconsin? Michigan?). I wonder if she'll come to town again any time soon.

I'm also reading Suze Orman's Women & Money, which is fascinating. I'll have to blog more on that later.

I recently finished a book called Making a Change for Good: A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline by Cheri Huber. I had seen a quote from the book in an article about.... hmm, must've been about dieting and lifestyle changes. Anyhow, impressed me enough that I wrote down the name and author and then ordered it from the library. It was very interesting, all about how we have these subpersonalities that were formed in early childhood as survival tools and that they are the source of the voices in our head that drive basic impulses or behaviors. Like when you tell yourself you deserve something -- ice cream, new shoes, a car -- for whatever reason -- you had a bad day, you had a good day, your parents never bought you anything. Some of those voices don't even like you very much, like when you decide to do something (say, lose weight). If you don't lose weight, you're no good and you should just quit. If you stick with it or do lose weight, self-sabotage starts in and then you will never succedd at anything or you're a quitter. What you want to do is learn how to be present in the moment, to acknowledge the subpersonalities or voices but not listen to them. (The book is much clearer.)

Part of the book talks about identifying the subpersonalities (sounds so much more sane than calling them the voices). So I've been working on that. So far, I've got:

  • the Big White Evil Bunny, who has made an appearance on this blog before. The Bunny thinks its fun to hurt people or to make them feel stupid (and both is a bonus!) 'cause they've done something to deserve it.

  • the Entitlement Kid, who can never say no to anything she wants because her parents never got her anything much beyond the basics of food, shelter, and clothing. Entitlement Kid has racked up a lot of debt, let me tell you. Also a lot of poundage.

  • Daddy's Girl, who ignored her own dreams and desired path in life to pursue one that would make daddy happy. Lot of debt wrapped up with her too.

  • the Perfect Child, who has to be perfect at everything she does or tries (or else why bother). If she's perfect, no one will leave her or laugh at her or yell at her or hurt her. The Perfect Child and Daddy's Girl often work together.

There's more but it's late and it's muggy. I'll close with a preview of the promised zoo blog part deux.

This is seriously the same otter, same pinkie, different day. I think he remembered me.

And he told friends about me, 'cause this meerkat got busy right after I showed up with my camera.

I'm telling you, it's a gift.

--the CilleyGirl

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