Thursday, March 27, 2008

Still only Thursday? Are you sure?

It's been a slow but productive week here in CilleyGirl land. I had the place pretty much to myself for two days. Got lots done and got to wear jeans while doing it. Granted, I could probably wear jeans to work all week long if I wanted to, but so far I've resisted the temptation. Now that I think about it, I could've worn sweats earlier in the week (I was doing full-contact filing those two days -- don't ask), except that I don't have any that fit right now. Up to 20 lbs gone, and still going. Yay me.

What I'm Reading:

Not much since I worked through three lunches this week. Just finished Creation in Death by J.D. Robb. Not as much sex as per the usual. It was actually a nice change. Nobody orgasms that much in real life. Do they? I'm suddenly feeling like I've been dating all the wrong men.

I've started Elaine Viets' latest Murder with Reservations and am actually taking a real lunch break today, although I'm spending it on the computer.

Cilley Stuff:

Speaking of dating, I was reading some earlier posts by a blogger I started reading a few weeks ago who was talking about getting back into the pool. The dating pool, that is. That's been on my mind a lot lately. [side note -- it's starting to snow again!] I had originally intended to avoid all dating possibilities until this summer after the reunion. But karma's messing with me again.

The Boy I've mentioned previously is someone I went to high school with, then freshman year of college. He got in touch with me a few weeks ago, and we've been swapping e-mails and flirting ever since. Recently we'd reached the point where it was either time to get together in person or let the e-mails dwindle down to "hey, how's it going?".

For anyone who knows me really well (I think there's two of you these days, how are those club meetings? Plenty of refreshments to go around?), they know that I'm gun shy when it comes to dating, particularly potentially serious dating. Because I've had three serious relationships in my life, and in all three the guy has gone on to meet, marry, and impregnate (not necessarily in that order) the very next woman he gets involved with after we have broken up. And we're not talking years later, here. Months later. Weeks later. I'm thinking of incorporating and offering it as a professional service, a training ground for men to try out and then realize that yes, they are ready to settle down. With her, over there.

Don't get me wrong, there aren't any hard feelings about this. It's just really, really weird. My last boyfriend and I split up in large part because he never wanted to get married again and he did not want to have children. This was a different point of view for him from when we began dating. I'm on the fence about the kids, but haven't foreclosed on the marriage issue so we broke up. There was other stuff in there too, but even if we worked out all of that the other stuff was a deal-breaker. We parted fairly amicably, we shared custody of his dog, yadda yadda yadda.

Break up was in February. Fast forward to late October. I get an e-mail saying that he and his new girlfriend were quite surprised to find out they'll be parents and consequently they're getting married. I'm thinking, wow, awfully fast, especially since he said he'd found out she was pregnant in August and at that time they'd been together for about six months. Yes, do the math. He later said he misspoke; I'll let that one slide. No matter what the timeline, next woman up: impregnate and marry.

Granted, given his history, I know he was serious when he said he didn't want to marry or ever have kids. Kid was an accident (although, when you don't want children USE LOTS OF BIRTH CONTROL, MORON). They got married, 'cause for him that's what you do. Even if I had been stupid enough to get pregnant, I wouldn't have married him for that reason. In all honesty, not for any reason.

Anyhow, I'm very cautious about getting involved with someone. I'd say more, but some day the examples in question might read this and we're still friends. But I have really, really good reasons for being cautious.

Cause even before I set the hard and fast Dating Rule No. 1, I was growing up enough to realize that you can't make anyone love you, or really even like you. No one is really going to change, no matter how much you want them to. Your feelings are what they are, so speak up and there will be no hard feelings.

There will be hard feelings if you don't speak up, however. Said guy wanted out of the relationship for at least two or three months, but didn't say so. I finally ended it. That's when Dating Rule No. 1 was codified: If you do not want to date me, for whatever reason, tell me. I will do the same. We've save time and pain. I'll think of you fondly. Note that Dating Rule No. 1 applies before the relationship even begins. Don't like me? Don't find me attractive? I'm not your type? That's cool. Just do me the courtesy of telling me. Don't never call again. That's just childish.

Back to the Boy and the Pool:

Okay, so I've mentioned Dating Rule No. 1 to the Boy. Sunday night I added a serious part to the rest of my flirty reply to his latest e-mail. To wit: it sounds like we are both interested in getting together and seeing if we still have this chemistry in person. I added that before we did that, I would need to know if he was thinking just a fling -- a nice little interlude that might continue through a few random weekends when we both had the time and the money -- or if he was entertaining the outside possibility that maybe it could turn into something more. Because if it was the latter, he had to know at the start that my professional is so specialized that the chances of my being able to relocate back up to Seattle (where I'm from) are pretty much nil. If things worked out, he'd have to be willing to move to Portland.

Today's Thursday and I haven't heard a peep.

I'm thinking that he either (1) didn't get my e-mail and he's waiting for me to write to him, since it was my turn, or (2) he's giving serious thought to my question. There could be a (3), in that I freaked him out and I'll never hear from him again, which could be a possibility if we had met online and never in person, but I've known the Boy since I was 16. He's just not that type. So, it's probably (2).

I guess that makes me feel better. Should I check my e-mail again? Yes? No? Maybe?

Dating sucks.

Stay silly,
the CilleyGirl

1 comment:

Bruce said...

Hey there.

Thanks for reading my blog. I'm curious to hear the conclusion of your dating dilemma. Of course I imagine you're a bit curious too.

I'll check in here from time to time to see how you're faring.

BTW my back's still sore. I got some Arnica Rub at New Seasons and it helps. Thanks for the tip.